I’ve often told my kids I’m ‘keeping track’ of things over the years.
They don’t really ask what for.
They likely should. :0)
I have a plan. True, I have to wait MANY years still before I can put it into motion, but it will be worth it.
This is a list of things I’m going to do when my kids are adults.
- When at their house, I will wait until they go into the bathroom and close the door, and then start a conversation with them from the other side.
- When asked over for dinner, I’ll sit down, look at the food, and say ‘I don’t like this…can I have peanut butter instead?’
- When in a store, I’ll demand that they buy me something and if they don’t, I’ll tell them they suck.
- I’ll stay at their house overnight and come out of my room fifteen to twenty times to ask them vital, critically important questions, like ‘How far away is Detroit?’
- When they aren’t looking, I’m going to sneak into their cupboards and eat their food.
- Every time they think I’m leaving I’ll just go outside and come back in again and complain about having to go outside.
- If we are together in public and they see someone they know, I’ll keep saying, ‘CAN WE GO NOW? WE’VE BEEN HERE FIFTEEN HOURS! I’M BORED!’ while they talk to that person for ten seconds.
- When at their house I will randomly drop things on their floor and pretend they aren’t there/I don’t see them.
- I’ll burp…or fart….a lot….and laugh.
- When they introduce me to their friends, I’ll say ‘the darndest things’; like, ‘Is that a wig?’ or ‘You smell funny.’ to them. Everyone appreciates that kind of ‘unfiltered honesty’….don’t they?
Well, not really. I’m not REALLY going to do this stuff….
Except maybe #5……and #1……
Okay, I’m TOTALLY going to do #1….
I’ve earned it.